Going Places, Doing Things

There is often nothing harder than leaving the house and doing things when your kids have to come along. But that doesn't mean that you should never do it, only that you should be thoughtful about it first.

For example: A mom with a toddler wants to meet a friend for coffee and a chat. What often happens is that the child feels left out, since there's nothing for him to do, and misbehaves horribly, making it impossible to talk and have a good time. This situation often happens when a child is brought along an an adult-level activity. So, what's to be done?

Remember, your child is a person too! How would you feel if you went out with a couple of people, who spent the time talking about stuff you weren't interested in in a language you didn't understand well? And when you tried to get them to pay attention to you, they got cross with you? Not great, I bet. Probably pretty left out, lonely, and angry.

As a caregiver, you can avoid this situation if you make a few preparations beforehand. Make sure you bring a few activities your child enjoys -- a couple of books, and a nice toy. Be sure your child has a healthy snack, and something to drink. Choose a location where there is room for your child to play. You can have them stay at the table with you, or make sure that there is a safe area nearby for them to be.

While you're talking with your friend, check in every few minutes with your child. If they are old enough to talk, spend some time during the outing talking to them about things that they are interested in, so they feel included. If they're too young for talking, check in with them and focus your attention on them and playing with them regularly. Try to make sure you shift your attention to your child while they are behaving well; if you only pay attention to them when they're shouting or bothering others, chances are, they will do it more the next time!

If your child is in the habit of acting out when adults are doing adult things (like when you're talking on the phone, or going out for coffee or have some sort of meeting to go to), you will have to be persistent. At first, make sure you go out with very understanding friends, since you will be spending a lot of time focused on your child. And go out to very understanding places (like maybe a friend's house), since you may have to wait out some bad behavior in order to catch them at a good moment to start talking with them. And start with short outings and work up to longer ones. Soon, you'll be able to go to the local cafe, have a talk with your girlfriend, and a nice time with your child all at the same time.

Pretty cool.