If there's a behavior issue at your house, I can't recommend highly enough devoting time specifically to solving it. I call it single issue parenting, but you're not really excluding everything else, you're just taking some extra time to focus on a specific behavior.
The most common complaint among parents are about sleep issues. This is the perfect area to use single issue parenting. You know that to work on helping a child to sleep through the night, you're going to be tired. You're probably tired already! It's hard to be consistent and be up every 10 minutes or 1/2 hour. And if you're not consistent, nothing will work. But if you plan to work on it for a week, and really prepare yourself, by the end of the week, your problem can be solved.
We just worked on hitting. My son was hitting us every time we said something he didn't like. It seemed like nothing was working, because I kept having to come up with consequences in the moment, and we didn't have a plan. So, my husband and I created our plan -- he lost one toy for every hitting when we were at home, and when we were out, if he hit us we had to sit down and hold hands. We tried to notice every time he was angry and didn't hit, and gave him hugs and verbal praise. We planned our outings around whether or not we'd be able to enforce the consequences, and made sure that every time he hit us there was a consequence, so there was a clear, firm boundary. We let some other things slide -- we made sure we planned foods he liked, made extra time at bedtime for stories, and generally tried to make the only major uncomfortable thing in his life were the consequences for hitting.
After 3 days, we were able to relax (he was hitting less often), and after 6 days, we could see him think about hitting us, and then put his hand down. It's been about 3 weeks, and he's still not hitting. He'll leave, or say (and this is so cute) "That made me very angry, Mama"
Now we're back to normal bedtimes, normal outings, normal dinner, normal life -- but without the hitting.
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1 comment:
the information in all your posts is so helpful! i wish i'd found it sooner but better later late than never. will you be reviving this blog or have you continued it under another name? would love to read more! thanks so much for your valuable insight.
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