Staying at the Table: Using Reinforcement in Everyday Life

Say, you want your 3 year old child to sit quietly at the table during dinner. Your child sits down and starts the evening sitting quietly and eating. You give him a hug and a kiss and praise him for the good behavior. (positive reinforcement - adding reward). Your child starts to wiggle and play with his food. You buckle him into his high chair (positive reinforcement - adding negative consequence). He begins to cry and fuss, so you turn your attention away from him. (negative reinforcement - removing reward) He calms down, and you unbuckle the high chair (negative reinforcement - removing negative consequence). All four types of reinforcements were used here to make the child more likely to sit nicely at the table.

If your child starts to wiggle and fuss, and you let him go play in his playroom, you've increased the likelihood of his fussing, because you rewarded the fussing by ending the negative (in his mind) of having to sit at the table. If you give him extra attention after he starts to misbehave, to bribe him into staying at the table, you have rewarded the crying. So what's a parent to do?

Set yourself up for success by plannining short dinners at first, with food your child likes. Be hugely lavish with praise and attention when she is behaving well. If your child starts to fuss and cry, turn your attention away, and as soon as she stops, talk and play with her again. And whatever you do, don't let her leave the table while she's fussing and crying -- wait for a moment, however short, that she's sitting calmly. Try this for 10-14 days, every meal, and your child will be able to sit nicely through a 15-30 minute meal.